Halo 4?

Do you want me to review this game? I don’t think you do.

I REALLY don’t think you do.

But I will anyway.

Before anyone comments to defend the graphics, yes the game is pretty. It’s a very pretty game. Ooooo leaves and water and metallic dog things.

Metallic dog things? Oh God, this is not a good sign.

I will note that I am reviewing the ACTUAL storyline of this game, not the online play. They’re completely different things so if you want a review of the online play I’ll have to make another post.

First off, 343 industries, the fact that Halo 4 was a successful game does NOT reflect on you. People did not stand in line because “OMG 343 Halo 4!” It’s not like they weren’t standing in long lines before you came along. Halo 4 was made successful by Bungie and their success is what made YOUR success. Don’t take credit for their work. Halo Reach kicked Halo 4’s butt in so many ways I’m not even going to bother counting.

Secondly, the writing. Oh God, the writing. I swear halfway through playing this game I was inputting my own soap opera like dialogue because it fit so well. There was one “dramatic” instance where Brad and I were yelling at the TV “What are you doing! STOP THAT!!” It was so obvious that the makers of this had no connection whatsoever to the characters because the personalities were just so off. Cortana was a whiny blue creature, at some point I was convinced Master Chief was going to take off his helmet and *gasp* he’d be blue TOO! Then they’d run off into a Halo sunset and a star somewhere would explode glittering their moment with stardust. Oh and there’d be a unicorn because, well, unicorn.

When Brad and I beat the game we literally spent about fifteen minutes saying “That’s not the end. It can’t be. No way.”

Worst.Ending.Ever.

If you’ve beaten the game you know what I’m talking about. It’s completely unsatisfying. I immediately wanted to go back through one of the old Halos as some form of mind bleach.

On to the new additions. The enemies aren’t crazy creative, their designs are unimpressive, and their weapons are horrible. The only weapons that could be considered awesome are their version of the shotgun and their big fire explody thing. Brad has a giggle fest anytime he finds one in multiplayer. HOWEVER! The most powerful gun does nothing against the enemies. Okay I’m googling them, I completely forgot what they were referred to as . . . Prometheans.

Prometheans? Bah.

Also, their leader? Snape’s long lost brother. Totally Snape’s long lost brother.

The plot tells you nothing. When the game was finished Brad and I were completely lost on the story. We had no idea what happened, what we were doing, and why the game had ended.

Apparently you have to read the books to get it.

Read.the.books.

So basically you just told me that in addition to DLC there will be a reading list? I have HOMEWORK now when it comes to “getting” a game when I’ve played through previous ones without this “required” reading?

Way to go. Are you trying to limit your audience because I guarantee there are quite a few gamers that don’t want to have to read a book to understand what is going on in a game. You’ve just put yourself in a niche group with almost no room for growth.

Did they hire an Adobe consultant on this? That might make a bit more sense.

I would also like to say that I was tempted to not type anything and just post this picture:

Games I’m still playing: Virtues Last Reward, Borderlands 2, and I finished the new Professor Layton (not as good as the other ones)

[And from Brad]

We finished the campaign together, so I figured I should throw in my 2 cents down here.

Fairly and I have beaten every Halo campaign in co-op since ODST, so while it was a given that we were going to play through the game together, I wasn’t too confident about 343 handling the series after being disappointed in their DLC levels for Reach. Most Reach maps were terrible anyways, though, so who knows.

Anyways, yeah, everything good about Halo 4’s campaign (shooting the Covenant, Cortana + Master Chief, controls, vehicles…), all came from Bungie, and everything terrible (shooting those stupid dog things and the promethean bullet sponges, the A to B hit the switches gameplay, all the anticlimactic missions aka if you show a giant gun at the beginning, you better shoot it by the end!) were added by 343, so I don’t know how you could consider Halo 4 successful transition to a new company.

Well, multiplayer’s still fun, but the ending was SO BAD that I really haven’t felt like playing it since.

The ending of Halo 4 is totally this (not really spoilers I think?):